As I have mentioned before I am not a flirt, if anything I am the opposite, I am a non flirt, a nirt if you will. Yes that’s right, I just made up an awesome new word. I become an incompetent nerd around men who are attractive. Give them a great personality on top of the hotness and I am screwed. I think a part of me thought that moving to another country might take away some of my 13 year old girl insecurity. Because now I am the foreigner…I am interesting if only for the sole reason that I am not from here. I lived in Los Angeles for the past nine years, that has to be interesting right. I have the accent now. Yet, that stupid 13 year old girl inside of me keeps rearing her ugly head. Truth, I am interesting, and not in a bragging because I am great way, but I have had a pretty interesting life. I am musician and I just left everything for adventure. Yet around cute men I become mute. Case in point my latest adventure into the city.
Here I am all excited to go exploring on my own in Sydney, I’m all by myself. I walk to the train station and am immediately overcome with confusion, concerned that I am getting on the wrong train. Right next to me is a very cute Australian boy…let me stress again…VERY CUTE! Here is my opportunity to be not me…after all I am starting over in a new country, be bold Kara, talk to him, ask for help. Do I do that…NOOOOOOO…of course not. That would be to cool. Instead He looks my way and I look down at the ground obviously very preoccupied with whatever is staring back at me. Smooth move Kara. Next instead of asking cute boy for directions, which will in turn lead to a conversation about where I am from, which will then lead to a date and the ultimate end of marital bliss, I call my friend who I am staying with to make sure I am about to board the right train. STUPID STUPID Me! Ahh…good bye Australian husband, we would have had a wonderful life together ;). So here I am in a new Country still being my awkward self and trying to convince myself that I am a beautiful confident women, any man would be lucky to be with me. Yay, same girl, still awkward. If only moving would rid me of my 13 year old self!
I have been working a lot of weddings lately. I somehow fell into this side business without looking for it. Most of the weddings that I work are very high end, beautiful affairs. On most weddings I am the lead to the planner. Its fun, but the best part is getting to observe the guests. I am fascinated by human behavior and interaction. Because I am there to make sure that everything goes smoothly, you learn how to be pretty much invisible. When you are working a wedding, the guests really don’t notice you. Especially when most of the guests come from pretty elaborate backgrounds. This last weekends wedding was no different. What struck me the most was the conversations that were being had.
For the bride it was her first wedding, at 40. The groom had been married before and had children. What I find so interesting as a single girl is the amount of cynicism towards marriage at almost every wedding I work. What is even more interesting, is that it is not coming from the single people. The cynicism is most commonly from the married ones. One woman there was just going through a divorce and I overheard her telling another that it’s better to just be single, marriage isn’t worth it. Later in the evening, I was working and happened to hear a table discussing how hard marriage is. One of the people at the table had been married for 25 years. She said, marriage is work, no one tells you that before your married. Another man at the same table was talking about the end of his marriage. How he had no idea that work would be required to maintain a successful marriage.
I have spent most of my life being what you would call a “late bloomer”. I was the last to go through puberty, the last to hit her growth spurt, and now I am the last among my friends to get married and have kids. I’ve always hated being last, but now, its is turning out to be a good thing. I know marriage is hard work. I’ve watched as marriages have succeeded and failed. The success come from hard work and good communications, from continual pursuit of your spouse. The failures, well…it takes two to fail and being selfish will always end your marriage. People are innately selfish, it’s hard work to deny yourself and put someone else’s feelings before your own.
After working many weddings this summer, sometimes I’m not sure if I want to get married. I want a family, but not if it is going to fail. I refuse to be a statistic, and if I finally do get married, I hope being a late bloomer pays off and I’ll remember that to be a success, you have to work.
So last Friday night my friend Emma and I decided that we suck at flirting and meeting single available men. So we devised a plan of attack. Let’s make ourselves go to establishments with single men. So here is a little bit of back story on myself. I don’t know how to flirt. If I see a cute guy, I make sure that I don’t look at him, make eye contact, or smile. I become stone cold. I don’t know how this even started, but it did and now I am stuck in this horrible phase of being an ice princess. I know that I need to break this trend. I must! Especially before I move to Australia! So it has been my goal this past week to learn to flirt, to smile at cute men. To not be such a pansy. Well….I failed…and I failed miserably! Emma and I walk into this upscale bar with a live band on last Friday night. There are cute guys everywhere…and I immediately revert to don’t look mode. Emma is slightly better, she actually looked around the room, while I kept my eyes straight ahead. Apparently some the attractive men actually looked my way, but I refused to make eye contact…I once again froze! And I wonder why I haven’t been on a date since December. I think I better add this to my list of things I need to get done before I move…Learn to flirt, or at least make eye contact. 😉
No, I am not engaged, but my roommate is, to her lovely boyfriend. I have told people in the past that if you want to get married, then move in with me. I’ll have you hitched in 18 months or less…or your money back. I really am happy for her and Isaiah, she has been beaming every since he proposed this weekend. I am just a little wed dinged out. I still have at least 2 more this season that I am in before I get a break. Luckily, I am super excited about the next two!
I have reached the point though of wondering if I will only always be a bridesmaid with roommate after roommate moving out on me to get married. Honestly, I don’t think I can take having to move yet again because my roommate is getting married. I am in the good ole, completely single with no prospects stage, which surprisingly I am OK with, mainly because I am moving out of the country in just 5 short months. My mind is completely preoccupied with selling my life, and packing the little that remains. Who has time for a relationship when your life is being turned upside down. I need to enjoy this break and embrace this time for just me. Cause truth be told I haven’t been single for more than a few months since I turned 23. So being single I can handle, but if one more roommate gets married on me, I just might lose it…and if that happens, I can’t be held responsible for my actions 😉
The Joys of Being Single #23: Everyone’s favorite…”Don’t worry…you’ll meet someone” (With optional side nod and arm grab)
I had the opportunity to attend a reunion this weekend for my university. I really did not want to go, but after much begging from many of my friends, I decided to make a brief appearance. It was a two day event, and I showed up for the tail end of it. I was asked multiple times why I didn’t want to go and I came up with some pretty great excuses, like having to wash my hair, or keeping my apartment from being burglarized, you know…normal everyday stuff. Truth…I did not want to deal with Joy #23. I am SO sick of hearing that. Especially since I never said or even implied that I was unhappy in my present situation or that I am worried that the “right” guy is not out there. Just because I am not married, or currently in a serious relationship does not make my life some sort of miserable existence just “hanging in there” until I too can be tied down with a husband and a baby. Yes, I do want that someday, but until that day does come, I am pretty content with where I am and the adventures that lay ahead of me. So to all of you who are married with babies…knock it off! Singleness is not a disease, and nor are most of us “worried” that we won’t meet someone. So next time you are at an event and ask someone “are you married…boyfriend…” and they say no, don’t condescendingly look at them like something is missing in their life. Instead, be helpful and offer to set them up with your husbands hot friend. Thanks! 😉
PS. I am going to be doing a lot a traveling in the next few weeks. I’ll try to keep my posting up, but as you can see from yesterday sometimes its just not possible to get to a computer when I am out of town. So much for my streak of everyday but Sunday.