As I have mentioned before I am not a flirt, if anything I am the opposite, I am a non flirt, a nirt if you will. Yes that’s right, I just made up an awesome new word. I become an incompetent nerd around men who are attractive. Give them a great personality on top of the hotness and I am screwed. I think a part of me thought that moving to another country might take away some of my 13 year old girl insecurity. Because now I am the foreigner…I am interesting if only for the sole reason that I am not from here. I lived in Los Angeles for the past nine years, that has to be interesting right. I have the accent now. Yet, that stupid 13 year old girl inside of me keeps rearing her ugly head. Truth, I am interesting, and not in a bragging because I am great way, but I have had a pretty interesting life. I am musician and I just left everything for adventure. Yet around cute men I become mute. Case in point my latest adventure into the city.
Here I am all excited to go exploring on my own in Sydney, I’m all by myself. I walk to the train station and am immediately overcome with confusion, concerned that I am getting on the wrong train. Right next to me is a very cute Australian boy…let me stress again…VERY CUTE! Here is my opportunity to be not me…after all I am starting over in a new country, be bold Kara, talk to him, ask for help. Do I do that…NOOOOOOO…of course not. That would be to cool. Instead He looks my way and I look down at the ground obviously very preoccupied with whatever is staring back at me. Smooth move Kara. Next instead of asking cute boy for directions, which will in turn lead to a conversation about where I am from, which will then lead to a date and the ultimate end of marital bliss, I call my friend who I am staying with to make sure I am about to board the right train. STUPID STUPID Me! Ahh…good bye Australian husband, we would have had a wonderful life together ;). So here I am in a new Country still being my awkward self and trying to convince myself that I am a beautiful confident women, any man would be lucky to be with me. Yay, same girl, still awkward. If only moving would rid me of my 13 year old self!
Oh how I have missed you blog! I’m all moved, to another country. That’s right I have left the comforts of the US all in the name of adventure and moved to Sydney Australia. Now that I am all moved I plan on reviving this thing as I have MUCH more free time than normal and the ability to blog. I don’t have a job, or friends, so for now lets take the time to focus on this blog. I have been writing a million posts in this noggin of mine and can’t wait to get it all out on “paper”. Ahh…It feels good to be back!
Moving your life halfway across the world causes a girl to reflect, and redefine things. It also causes a ton of self discovery. My current discovery is a doosey! I am the ex girlfriend that every boyfriend hates. Why…do you ask? Well it is really quite humorous. I have remained close to every mom of every boyfriend I have had. The men may have been douches, but they have wonderful moms who adore me and I them. I made this discovery as the first few people I talked to when I finally got over here was the mothers of my ex boyfriends. I laughed when I realized this. I don’t talk to them. There is no communication between me and the ex’s but I still go to coffee with the mom’s or now I skype with them. Ha! I refuse to give them up. I love them, they have been mom’s to me too. Especially when my own mother is far away and has never really understood me. To the Ex’s I’m sorry that your mom’s love me so much, but get used to it! 😉
I’m sorry that I have been lacking as of late on this blog. I have a million wonderful things to write about swirling around my head, but alas this whole moving my life halfway across the world business is seriously taking up a lot of time! I leave in less than a month and time just keeps ticking. I was hoping that it would listen to me and slow down, but instead time has chosen to be a stubborn two year old and not listen to a word I say. I promise I’ll be back soon. I really have been blogging in my head quite extensively over the past few weeks. Now I just need to sit down and write them.
Seriously, does anyone even remember life before Facebook?!? Its funny how in order for things to be real, in our real life, we must first make it real in our virtual life. I’ve heard more than once that its not official tell its Facebook official. This concept applies both to big news and to relationships. Oh the impact that Facebook has had on our society. So, I made the official Facebook announcement and let all my “friends” know that I am moving to Australia. There is no more denying it now…this is really happening and to be honest, I am scared. I’m having SO much fun with all my friends this summer that I don’t really want it to end. I bet I’ll say the same thing this time next year as I am wrapping up my year in Australia. I still feel like I am living someone else’s life.
Well, my bubble that I have been living in since I made the decision to move my life half way across the world has officially popped. I told all my clients on Thursday that my last month teaching them will be in August. So far my young students don’t know, but all the parents and adult students do. It was so hard to tell them all that after almost 4 years of teaching many of them, and becoming part of the family, I will not be seeing them every week anymore. It broke my heart, because I love all the families that I have had the privilege to teach these past 4 years. Many have become like family to me as well. Keeping this from them until it was for sure has been so hard, and now a weight has been lifted, but with the lifting of the weight comes tears. For now, it’s time to start saying goodbye.
Thus begins the onset of freak out sessions. It is starting to seem real, and now I am a mix of emotions of excitement, dread, hope, and fear. I have said this before, but I feel like I am living someone else’s life. God is teaching me how to trust Him through all of this. For the minute I look away and forget how He has brought me to this place. I panic. So here I go in my last few months of a life that I love and that has been my norm for the last 9 years. Its time to soak up every last minute of California fun!
Yesterday was my last 4th of July celebration for two years. I’ll miss next years since I will be living in Australia. As I sat watching the fireworks while patriotic music accompanied the display I got a little sad. It’s hard to comprehend that all that I am used to is about to change. I have gone and watched some sort of fireworks display my whole life, and next year I wont. July 4, will be just that, July 4th, not a holiday, or a day to remember, it will be just a day. There will be no Thanksgiving, Halloween, or Valentines day. They don’t exist over there. I am an American through and through and I am leaving my home for a land that I have never before been to. It’s scary. I have 7 weeks left of work and 10 weeks until I leave. So its starting to sink in…I am excited, but at the same time, I wonder what in hell am I thinking. I new it would hit me eventually. Who knew that 4th of July would make this all seem real.
I can feel the clock ticking away with each passing day, and as the days pass me by my list of things that I must get done before I leave increases. By nature I am incredibly social I will almost always choose to hang out with my friends then get my to-do list done. And I am not organized, so lists and I are not the best of friends. Which brings me to the fact that I need to just stay home everyone once in awhile to get crap done. I have chosen to play, when I needed to be working on getting my life here all wrapped up. For example I need to spend hours recording all my cds to my computer so that I can bring all my music with me. I need to take the time to finally record my own songs that I have written, and get my website up and running. I need to set up Dr. appointments and get my stupid cars license plate switched over…which I have already paid for. All I want to do is spend time with my friends, especially now, but I need to take just a few days during the week to stay home and get crap done. I get depressed when home by myself for the whole day, or I end up writing and not being productive. I really really don’t like this one bit. I wish there were 48 hours in a day! Ok…I guess I better go and make that to-do list.