I have been working a lot of weddings lately. I somehow fell into this side business without looking for it. Most of the weddings that I work are very high end, beautiful affairs. On most weddings I am the lead to the planner. Its fun, but the best part is getting to observe the guests. I am fascinated by human behavior and interaction. Because I am there to make sure that everything goes smoothly, you learn how to be pretty much invisible. When you are working a wedding, the guests really don’t notice you. Especially when most of the guests come from pretty elaborate backgrounds. This last weekends wedding was no different. What struck me the most was the conversations that were being had.
For the bride it was her first wedding, at 40. The groom had been married before and had children. What I find so interesting as a single girl is the amount of cynicism towards marriage at almost every wedding I work. What is even more interesting, is that it is not coming from the single people. The cynicism is most commonly from the married ones. One woman there was just going through a divorce and I overheard her telling another that it’s better to just be single, marriage isn’t worth it. Later in the evening, I was working and happened to hear a table discussing how hard marriage is. One of the people at the table had been married for 25 years. She said, marriage is work, no one tells you that before your married. Another man at the same table was talking about the end of his marriage. How he had no idea that work would be required to maintain a successful marriage.
I have spent most of my life being what you would call a “late bloomer”. I was the last to go through puberty, the last to hit her growth spurt, and now I am the last among my friends to get married and have kids. I’ve always hated being last, but now, its is turning out to be a good thing. I know marriage is hard work. I’ve watched as marriages have succeeded and failed. The success come from hard work and good communications, from continual pursuit of your spouse. The failures, well…it takes two to fail and being selfish will always end your marriage. People are innately selfish, it’s hard work to deny yourself and put someone else’s feelings before your own.
After working many weddings this summer, sometimes I’m not sure if I want to get married. I want a family, but not if it is going to fail. I refuse to be a statistic, and if I finally do get married, I hope being a late bloomer pays off and I’ll remember that to be a success, you have to work.
No, I am not engaged, but my roommate is, to her lovely boyfriend. I have told people in the past that if you want to get married, then move in with me. I’ll have you hitched in 18 months or less…or your money back. I really am happy for her and Isaiah, she has been beaming every since he proposed this weekend. I am just a little wed dinged out. I still have at least 2 more this season that I am in before I get a break. Luckily, I am super excited about the next two!
I have reached the point though of wondering if I will only always be a bridesmaid with roommate after roommate moving out on me to get married. Honestly, I don’t think I can take having to move yet again because my roommate is getting married. I am in the good ole, completely single with no prospects stage, which surprisingly I am OK with, mainly because I am moving out of the country in just 5 short months. My mind is completely preoccupied with selling my life, and packing the little that remains. Who has time for a relationship when your life is being turned upside down. I need to enjoy this break and embrace this time for just me. Cause truth be told I haven’t been single for more than a few months since I turned 23. So being single I can handle, but if one more roommate gets married on me, I just might lose it…and if that happens, I can’t be held responsible for my actions 😉
Joy #545…Constantly having to move and find a new roommates because the current one is getting married.
I have moved more times than I ever thought I would in my 28 years of life. Since I turned 20, I have moved thirteen times. the longest I have lived in a place was 2 1/2 years with Kylie. My apartments lease is up in May. I planned on just going month to month with the current roommate until August when she get married and I move to Sydney. That was the plan. Well apartments suck! If we go month to month they are increasing our rent by a little over $300, if we extend our lease for 12 more months they increase are rent by $100. Obviously neither one of those are really an option. For starters, I can’t afford a $300 increase and secondly, I am only going to be here for 5 more months anyway. So onto the path of temporary living yet again. I did not plan on moving until I left the country, but I guess I don’t really have a choice. So here I go again. Another move, and another roommate who is getting married on me. Seriously…if you want to be married, come live with me. I’ll have you married off in 16 months or less or your money back.
As a single girl, I like to observe. I observe child raising techniques, happy/bad marriage techniques, and dating techniques, just to name a few. As I have mentioned before, the majority of my world is married with babies. I have a few divorced friends, but most are married or seriously dating. I at the moment am completely unattached, with no prospect. I don’t even have a crush on anyone. It’s kind of boring, but when I am not distracted by a relationship, it gives me the opportunity to fully engaged in what is going on around me. It makes my heart sad to watch as couples constantly miss each other. As lack of communication over months or years, turns into resentment for the one that they love. I am currently watching my parents 40 year marriage fall apart. They have spent the last 40 years not communicating. When something bothers them, they don’t tell the other person, each is always right and the other is always wrong. I observe and watch so that hopefully I will not make the same mistake as those around me. I don’t have to touch the stove to know its hot. I can see that it is hot by the red mark that it produces. Watching my friends and family struggle in their marriages makes me sad, and also makes me realize what a selfish world we really live in. How many people stay married anymore? How many marriages actually survive, and not just survive, but thrive?
Today I am thankful that I don’t have to deal with a mess, with hurt feelings, with miss reading each other. Today I am thankful that I am single!