I suck!

Dear Blog world…aka all two of you who read this.

I’m sorry that I have been lacking as of late on this blog. I have a million wonderful things to write about swirling around my head, but alas this whole moving my life halfway across the world business is seriously taking up a lot of time! I leave in less than a month and time just keeps ticking. I was hoping that it would listen to me and slow down, but instead time has chosen to be a stubborn two year old and not listen to a word I say. I promise I’ll be back soon. I really have been blogging in my head quite extensively over the past few weeks. Now I just need to sit down and write them.

Deepest Apologies,



State of Denial

Well, my bubble that I have been living in since I made the decision to move my life half way across the world has officially popped. I told all my clients on Thursday that my last month teaching them will be in August. So far my young students don’t know, but all the parents and adult students do. It was so hard to tell them all that after almost 4 years of teaching many of them, and becoming part of the family, I will not be seeing them every week anymore. It broke my heart, because I love all the families that I have had the privilege to teach these past 4 years. Many have become like family to me as well. Keeping this from them until it was for sure has been so hard, and now a weight has been lifted, but with the lifting of the weight comes tears. For now, it’s time to start saying goodbye.

Thus begins the onset of freak out sessions. It is starting to seem real, and now I am a mix of emotions of excitement, dread, hope, and fear. I have said this before, but I feel like I am living someone else’s life. God is teaching me how to trust Him through all of this. For the minute I look away and forget how He has brought me to this place. I panic. So here I go in my last few months of a life that I love and that has been my norm for the last 9 years. Its time to soak up every last minute of California fun!

Australia Here I Come!

Reality is beginning to set in that I am actually going to be moving out of my apartment in just 30 days. This is making my international move more of a reality. I have started the visa application process and just today, I rented a storage unit to store my books and random odds and ends that I don’t want to sell quite yet. It is now crunch time. We are out of my apartment on May 21st which means I have 30 days to sell my life…ahhh!! Sometimes I feel like I am crazy for picking up my life and changing everything. Really, what am I thinking?!? I am comfortable here in California. I have great friends, a good job, and wonderful church. Why would I leave? I had a panic moment when I was home in Oregon this weekend. And the thought of its not to late to change my mind popped into my head. I could still try to find a new roommate and just keep living my life here. Nothing would have to change. Truth be told, things could still change to keep me here, I wouldn’t have any furniture, or a place to live, but that can all be fixed. During my moment of freaking out, I was praying for direction. I need to know that I am making the right decision, and not f*ing up my life. After I was done praying, I read my daily devotional from Streams in the Desert and this is what it had to say.

By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going. (Hebrews 11:8)

“Abraham ‘did not know where he was going’ – it simply was enough for him to know he went with God. He did not lean as much on the promises as he did the Promiser. And he did not look at eh difficulties of his circumstances but looked to His King – the eternal, limitless, invisible, wise, and only God – who reached down from His throne to direct his path and who would certainly prove Himself. 

O glorious faith! Your works and possibilites are there: contentment to set sail with the orders still sealed, due to unwavering confidence int eh wisdom of the Lord High Admiral; and a willingness to get up, leave everything, and follow Christ, because of the joyful assurance that earth’s best does not compare with heaven’s least. -F.B. Meyer

In no way is it enough to set out cheerfully with God on any venture of faith. You must also be willing to take your ideas of what the hourney will be like and tear them into tiny pieves, for nothing on the itinerary will happen as you expect.

Your Guide will not keep to any beaten path. He will lead you through ways you would never have dreamed your eyes would see. he knows no fear, and he expects you to fear nothing while He is with you.”

I am so thankful that I serve a God who speaks and who is always present. This is a giant leap of faith and I am being called out to go to a land that I do not know and though it is incredibly exciting, it terrifies me. So let the journey begin and with unsteady legs…I take my first step.

Bring On The Weddings!

I’m sitting at the airport right now, waiting for my flight to leave for the beautiful city of Portland, Oregon. I am being summoned to Portland for yet another wedding.  This one happens to be for a friend of mine that I have known since kindergarten. As I am preparing for an international move, it has made me focus on my friendships. I have a lot of friends, all from different walks of life. There are friends from elementary school, jr high, high school, college, old jobs, and friends I have made from the different churches I have been involved with over the years. Truth, most of the people that I am exceptionally close with I had no idea that we would remain friends despite time and distance. Many friendships fizzle because of distance, I am proud to say that many of mine have been strengthened because of it. I may not talk to or see them every week, but when we do get together, it is like no time at all has passed. There is such a comfort in that. I am preparing myself for the changes that is to come when I move. It saddens me to realize that some friendships will die, yet I am looking forward to the strengthening of others. Distance always proves who your real friends are. Those who I am able to keep in touch with while I am away, will become lifetime friends, and those are the best kind to have!

Lanie, I have know since kindergarten. I would say we became friends in second grade. Honestly, if we met today, I don’t think we would probably friends. We are about as different as they come, but there is something special about a friend who has grown up with you. Luckily, I am not a bridesmaid in this wedding! YAY! I am however a candle lighter and I am also singing as well, which means I still have to be at the rehearsal and I still have to be there early for pictures. This shall be an interesting wedding since many people who I went to high school with will be there. I have not seen any of these people in 10 years!  This is wedding number one of three that I am in, in the next 6 weeks. So here’s to awkward conversation, great food, drinks, dancing, spending more money than I have, dresses that I will never wear again, and hopefully avoiding the condescending looks of those who think that being single is a disease…Bring on the weddings!

Denver…It’s Never Been Better!

Denver, it was wonderful to get away from my life here in Los Angeles if even just for a few days. To see new sights and breath clean fresh mountain air was good for my soul. Denver not only brought a change of scenery, but also an opportunity to face my fears. I have vowed that 2011 will be the year that I finally stop living in fear and begin to live in faith, to just jump and see where I land. So that one day I can look back and no matter what the outcome at least I will know that I tried. I refuse to live a life of regrets. This time around, Denver, brought a chance to step out and play songs that I have written in front of a group of total strangers.

March 31st 2011, was the first time I have ever played at an open mic event. This one was held at a wine bar in the heart of Denver. Let’s just say…it didn’t go so well. vocals were excellent, songs received well, my guitar playing was shit! I loaned my beautiful Taylor to a friend when his broke. Since he needs a guitar for his job, it got used…A LOT. Me being the bright sophisticated woman that I am forgot to check the battery in my pickup before going on stage. Battery was dead and worse than that, I didn’t have any spare ones on me, so I had to play a strangers guitar. Not only was it larger than mine, but the action was much higher than I am used to. All of this equals a horrible playing experience. I got flustered when I was playing skipped a verse, added a verse, sang one to many chorus’s and so on and so forth. I must say though, that my musical training helped immensely cause i would mess up and be able to cover my steps flawlessly. Like I tell my students…”the only person who knows you hit one wrong note is you.” And it is true, these people have never heard my songs before, they don’t know how they sound, which means it is quite easy to cover your steps. When things go wrong I try and learn from them. This situation has taught me that even if I fail, and everything blows up in my face, I will be just fine. I will now be so much more prepared for the next one. Facing your fears is terrifying, but I am starting to learn that letting them run your life, is far worse.