I’m back!


Oh how I have missed you blog! I’m all moved, to another country. That’s right I have left the comforts of the US all in the name of adventure and moved to Sydney Australia. Now that I am all moved I plan on reviving this thing as I have MUCH more free time than normal and the ability to blog. I don’t have a job, or friends, so for now lets take the time to focus on this blog. I have been writing a million posts in this noggin of mine and can’t wait to get it all out on “paper”. Ahh…It feels good to be back!

Moving your life halfway across the world causes a girl to reflect, and redefine things. It also causes a ton of self discovery. My current discovery is a doosey! I am the ex girlfriend that every boyfriend hates. Why…do you ask? Well it is really quite humorous. I have remained close to every mom of every boyfriend I have had. The men may have been douches, but they have wonderful moms who adore me and I them. I made this discovery as the first few people I talked to when I finally got over here was the mothers of my ex boyfriends. I laughed when I realized this. I don’t talk to them. There is no communication between me and the ex’s but I still go to coffee with the mom’s or now I skype with them. Ha! I refuse to give them up. I love them, they have been mom’s to me too. Especially when my own mother is far away and has never really understood me. To the Ex’s I’m sorry that your mom’s love me so much, but get used to it! 😉

Fearless


Reality has begun to set in that I am in fact leaving this place I have called home for the last 9 years and moving onto a new adventure, a new place, a new life. I haven’t bought my plane ticket quite yet, but I do have to move out of my apartment in two months. And as of right now, I am going to be renting a room from a friends parents for 3 months before I take a big leap of faith and move half way across the world to Sydney. Sometimes I wonder if I am crazy. I will be leaving so much of what I love most in the world, yet at the same time I feel my heart growing farther and farther away from this life I have built. I wrote a post in January about wanting a change, who knew this change would be so big! I have started telling a few people about the possibility of me moving to Australia, but not that it is in fact going to happen. I will once I have purchased the ticket, but my heart is made up and the doors are opening there and closing here.

I’m currently reading a book in my bible study called  Fearless by Max Lucado, in the first chapter you are asked to imagine a day without fear. What would it look like? How would you be different? This book so far fits in quite perfectly with where my life is right now. The only reason I would stay, is because I am to afraid to go. The only reason I don’t play the songs I write for people is because I am afraid. The only reason I do most things is because I am afraid. Funny thing is not only am I afraid of failing, but I am also afraid of succeeding. If I fail, its an embarrassment, if I succeed, my whole life will change, and sometimes I just want things to stay the same. 2011 has been a horrid year, but I can say with confidence that I am learning to not let fear have so much control. I am taking bigger risks and I finally feel like I am learning to live, and not just be a spectator. If I am to live my life for one, fear tells me that, that is a lie and my life must be lived for all those watching as well. What a waste of time and energy. My parents are not on board with my decision, they are not excited, in fact my mom told me that I was just running away. I fear disappointing my parents, I have my whole life, but what is worse…disappointing them, or disappointing God?

For those who read this…thanks for coming with me on my journey. Feel free to comment…I LOVE it when you do! 🙂

Let the Countdown begin!


So I have a little over 4 months to figure out whether or not I am staying in the US. 4 months is not very much time, but that is my deadline. My best friend Marie, sent me this picture the other night while we were skyping. I love it! I love the thought of being immersed in another culture, in another world, surrounded by things that I have never seen, smells I have never smelt and textures I have never touched. I love the idea of really starting over, like sell my whole life, starting over. Then there is another side of me that loves the comfort of friends who know me, sights that bring joy, and sounds that are so familiar I know what tone comes next. I am torn, for if I leave, I’ll miss a whole year away from the people that I love, but if I stay…if I stay…I might miss out on one of the best adventures I could ever experience.

When I graduated from college I had the opportunity to travel with Marie to the Philippines for a month. All I had to pay for was my airplane ticket. I didn’t do it. I didn’t want to dip into my savings account to have to pay for it. I didn’t want to have to spend another 6 months in Oregon, so that I could afford to move back down to CA. I don’t regret much, but I regret that. I have lived such a safe life. Taking little risks here and there, but never really diving in. I’m a good wader. I like to dip my toe in and then wade in little by little just to make sure that the water is warm enough. At 28, I have learned that it is time to stop wading, and start learning to dive. The high board looks a lot higher from the ground than it does when you are standing on it. I’m not really sure what is going to happen in the next 4 months, but the one thing I do know is that change is a coming. I need to dive into life and quit watching everyone else have their turn on the high board. 2011…has been a bitch of a year. It’s time to change that. I’m putting this on my blog so that I have proof of what I am committing to. To be held accountable by you, my wonderful readers. So here goes…

1) Actively pursue music, no more sitting on the side lines teaching. I have enough free time in my schedule to really ramp things up. Find a job that I love! And in order to that, I need to find out what it is that I love to do. Narrow it down.

2) Get out there and date. There is no need to be a wall-flower, people will not bite. And if they do, I will survive. I already have.

3) Dive into a new church. Embrace it with open arms and don’t wait for people to ask. Just do.

When I was younger, I never took no for an answer. I just went for it until I got what I wanted. I was fearless. I got older and with that came fear. It’s time to shed that layer and go back to being bold and courageous. So here goes, I am going to give this next 4 months my best shot and if it goes up in flames, then I know its time to move onto a new adventure. Truth is, they both sound good to me. It’s time to start diving!

Happy Black Monday!


Happy Black Monday to you all! I for one have never been a fan of valentines day. I think it is a lame holiday. Even when I have a boyfriend on this day, I still find it lame. I have not had a good valentines day since I was in elementary school. Ugh! To make matters worse, I had one of the worst weekends ever. I got bad news, and was betrayed by one of my closest friends. I found out that the guy that I had been seeing, who pretty much dropped me because we got in a fight, is now seeing one of closest friends. She told me this on Saturday night. I confided in her the whole time I was seeing him. And now she is dating him. It hurts…a lot…because you don’t date your friends ex’s. And the worst part is that they were part of my group. I feel like I not only lost a friend, but a social group as well. And once again I have to start over. I have started over many times in my 28 years on this planet. Most since the age of 19. I started over when I started college, and then again a year later when I transferred schools. I Graduated, and my whole world either moved away, or got married. So once again I had to start over. Things were great for a few years and then everything changed again. More starting over. My boyfriend and I break up after nearly 4 years together, and I change roommates…again…cause all the rest keep getting married on me. I was finally happy after so much change and so much heart break. And now here I am again…starting over…but starting over feels different this time. I feel like I need to be making some big changes in my life so that I don’t have to start completely over every few years.

I need to take responsibility and learn from my mistakes. This current situation is showing me 1) That I trust people too easily. I thought Amanda was my friend, and instead she went behind my back. And the best part, she thought we could still be friends after all this. HA! 2) I need to listen to my intuition. Its always right. I had a sinking suspicion that this would happen. And it did. I need to listen to my gut, for it has never failed me. Because of this new development and mass betrayal. I have come to some conclusions. I know I have joked about moving to Australia, but I have made a deal with God. He has from now until June to give me a reason to stay here, or I move to Australia. I’m serious about this. In order to keep me here in the states I either need a job that I love, a man that I love, or a church that I am heavily involved with and can’t imagine leaving, or I go.

I’m torn, because part of me doesn’t want to leave here. I love where I live, but the other side of me longs for a grand adventure. I have 4 months…let the countdown begin!

What is a Twenty-Something?


What is a twenty-something? As I see it a twenty-something is someone who is most likely in their early, mid or late twenties still in the throes of figuring life out. You can be married, single, a parent, great job, no job, own a house, rent an apartment, or living off of your parents couch. This generation of twenty somethings is like no generation before. We as a whole are the late bloomers, still trying to figure out life. We are high-tech, sometimes motivated, sometimes lazy, not following in the path that our parents took before us. We are big dreamers and risk takers who don’t often consider how are actions will affect others. This is my humerus take on what it is like to be living, breathing, working, twenty-something.