What to Do if You Get Asked Out By a Bus Driver

Hello, long lost blog! I really need to pick up writing in this old thing. So far nothing note worthy has really taken place, other than a lot of transition into living a new life. Oh change, how you mock me. So you are all probably wondering what the above title has to do with the post, well pretty much everything! Life in Australia has been the complete opposite so far from my old life. Seriously…EVERYTHING is different. I am testing out my theory though on a particular difference. Only one is all my time living in the US did I ever get randomly asked out, and by random, I mean a total stranger. That one time consisted of a gentleman who I gave my parking spot to, since I was leaving. He happened to find one before I got to mine and then bolted across the parking lot to find me and asked me to coffee. I lied and told said gentleman that I had boyfriend. Because why in the world would I go out with someone who I have never even had a conversation with…I call rape!

So with that said, I got asked out the other day, by the bus driver. The first and only time that I have taken the bus here, I get propositioned. And yes…I froze…I didn’t know what to do. So I said yes…lucky for me though I had to get off the bus and was unable to exchange information. So no bus driver date for me. Ahh…that was a close one. I guess I don’t think I can pull out the boyfriend card here quite yet. So the answer to the above question is…Tell them you have a boyfriend. Or, if you are interested…go out with them. But in my case it was a stranger and the boyfriend card would have been well used. So, if everything else here is backwards, maybe my dating life will be to and I have many more random date propositions. One can only hope 😉

I Guess I’m Still Me…

As I have mentioned before I am not a flirt, if anything I am the opposite, I am a non flirt, a nirt if you will. Yes that’s right, I just made up an awesome new word. I become an incompetent nerd around men who are attractive. Give them a great personality on top of the hotness and I am screwed. I think a part of me thought that moving to another country might take away some of my 13 year old girl insecurity. Because now I am the foreigner…I am interesting if only for the sole reason that I am not from here. I lived in Los Angeles for the past nine years, that has to be interesting right. I have the accent now. Yet, that stupid 13 year old girl inside of me keeps rearing her ugly head. Truth, I am interesting, and not in a bragging because I am great way, but I have had a pretty interesting life. I am musician and I just left everything for adventure. Yet around cute men I become mute. Case in point my latest adventure into the city.

Here I am all excited to go exploring on my own in Sydney, I’m all by myself. I walk to the train station and am immediately overcome with confusion, concerned that I am getting on the wrong train. Right next to me is a very cute Australian boy…let me stress again…VERY CUTE! Here is my opportunity to be not me…after all I am starting over in a new country, be bold Kara, talk to him, ask for help. Do I do that…NOOOOOOO…of course not. That would be to cool. Instead He looks my way and I look down at the ground obviously very preoccupied with whatever is staring back at me. Smooth move Kara. Next instead of asking cute boy for directions, which will in turn lead to a conversation about where I am from, which will then lead to a date and the ultimate end of marital bliss, I call my friend who I am staying with to make sure I am about to board the right train. STUPID STUPID Me! Ahh…good bye Australian husband, we would have had a wonderful life together ;). So here I am in a new Country still being my awkward self and trying to convince myself that I am a beautiful confident women, any man would be lucky to be with me. Yay, same girl, still awkward. If only moving would rid me of my 13 year old self!

Every Once and Awhile I Revert Back to a 13 Year Old Girl

So here is some embarrassing truth for you all. I am 28 years old and have no freakin idea how to be normal around men who are prospects. This was my self discovery of the weekend. To help understand my lovely little issue lets take a step back in time. I was always a late bloomer growing up. The shortest one in my class as well as the thinnest. I didn’t hit puberty till way after all the rest of the girls. This is paying off now in my late 20s as I am frequently mistaken for a 20 year old. Another side note. When I was 13 I had to get glasses, not only that, but I had already been wearing braces for 3 years. Add in the gangly awkwardness of not quite hitting puberty and you have a highly vivacious 13 year old girl. I purposely do not put up pictures on this site in order to keep me identity a secret. I don’t look like that 13 year old anymore. I grew up. I’m 5’8 blond hair blue eyes and a size 0 to 1. Best part, is that even though I am thin, I have a nice hour glass figure. I have been approached to model on more than one occasion. I make friends at the drop of a hat. I mean I’ve been a bridesmaid 8 times now! 🙂 I’m not socially awkward. I tell you all this so that you’ll understand my messed up psyche. 🙂

In my head I am still this awkward 13 year old. I have this ridiculous fear that if I pay any attention to a guy he will be grossed out and reject me. Just like 13 year old me. Case in point this weekend. If I have NO interest in him. I will be charming, flirtation, and funny. I will be fully myself, cause I could care less if he is interested in me. This is why every guy I have dated and subsequently have not worked out is because I was not interested in them to begin with. They fell for me because I was fully myself, but I really didn’t care about them. All the ex’s have been guys who have gown on me, like a fungus. You should have seen me flirting with the cute bell hop from the hotel event and the random security guard. Why? Cause I could care less. Yes they were cute, but t0o young, and best of all they don’t live anywhere near me and I am leaving. Plus this whole being  a Christian thing seriously limits my dating pool. I knew that nothing would come of it and therefore I was myself.

Funny thing is, you put me in the exact same situation with a cute guy my age, someone who has the same morals and values as myself and I become a mute awkward 13 year old. With an intense fear that I will gross them out if I even look in their direction. I have to learn how to beat this horrible habit I have of looking at the ground for fear of accidentally making eye contact which will in turn make them run for the hills from my ugly face. Again, I know this is all in my head, but man, its hard work to fight what you feel to be true. I am envious of the girls who are able to always be themselves around everyone. So am I the only one that this happens to? Anyone know how to beat the case of the awkward 13 year old girl?

eHarmony, An Experiment

I have a friend who recently signed up for eHarmony. She fought for awhile, but finally decided that if she really wants to be dating, she better be proactive and take a step. It’s funny how this whole online dating thing is becoming the norm. Over half of my friends have met their spouses online. We live in a generation where people don’t know how to date, and when you never meet new people, that doesn’t help either. So Rachel decided to take the personality profile with no thoughts of actually signing up for the service. After she finished the test they started sending her matches, quite a few actually, and many of them requested communication. The trick of eHarmony, is that you can see their profiles without paying, but not their pictures. This will drive you just crazy enough that you suck it up and pay in order to make sure you are not missing out on anything good. In comes my experiment.

When Rachel told me that she really wanted to see all these men who had requested communication and had decided to sign up for their three month special, I got really excited! Yay for social experiments! She had ten men who had requested communication with her. Before she paid I sat down with her and had her read all ten of their profiles and comment on who caught her attention and who did not, based solely on their info. It felt like Christmas morning, here she had ten shiny packages under the tree, but the question is…is it jewelry, or sock and underwear? Viewing their profiles before looking at their pictures was like shaking the presents to see if you can figure out which ones you think will be the best.

Out of the ten, three were immediately ruled out based on their horrid profiles. One guy was 5’2 – too short! Another wrote like a complete ass and bored both of us before we even got through his first paragraph. And lastly, another looked to be unemployed and lazy…NO THANK YOU! Those three were put into socks and underwear present pile. five were deemed possibilities, nothing stood out, but nothing made her uneasy either these seemed like they might be good presents. Two however, really stood out. They were the presents on Christmas morning that you wanted to open first, the ones who looked like they might be just what you asked for.

Now came the exciting part, paying…this means she finally gets to open her presents and see how many pairs of socks and underwear she got vs. the new ipad, or pretty jewelry. So the three that she labeled socks and underwear…she was right on. Weird, weird guys! Their profiles matched their rather interesting pictures. Of the five who may or may not have been underwear two were ok, the other three…yay…they broke all the profile rules when it comes to pictures. Pictures with girls, with babies, with your shirt off…epic fail! The other two she decided to give a chance, honestly, she wasn’t really attracted to them, but decided to give it a try anyway. The ones she was really excited about it….well…it is eHarmony. One of them looked like he was in his 50s and the other, not really her type either, but she is giving him a chance because he impressed her so much.

Here is the problem with online dating. We as people want to be with someone we are attracted to both physically and mentally. Unfortunately, being able to judge someone based on a picture is hard. We are bombarded everyday with images of perfect people and when the men or women on these sites don’t fit that, are tendency is to “close” them because they are not what we are looking for. It’s pretty much shopping for a mate. Yes, you do the same thing in real life, we judge the package, but at the same time you get to know whats inside and sometimes that changes the way the packages appears. Online dating sites let you judge the package before ever getting to know whats inside. I’m interested to see what happens in her new adventure. My prediction, it’s not going to be the pretty guy she is looking for who is going to grab her attention. It’s going to be the boy next door, who she wants to close, but will give him a chance, because she has me looking over her shoulder ;). At first glance he is not going to be what she thought she wanted, but he will turn out to be all that and more. Can’t wait to see how this story ends!

My Failure in Flirting

So last Friday night my friend Emma and I decided that we suck at flirting and meeting single available men. So we devised a plan of attack. Let’s make ourselves go to establishments with single men. So here is a little bit of back story on myself. I don’t know how to flirt. If I see a cute guy, I make sure that I don’t look at him, make eye contact, or smile. I become stone cold. I don’t know how this even started, but it did and now I am stuck in this horrible phase of being an ice princess. I know that I need to break this trend. I must! Especially before I move to Australia! So it has been my goal this past week to learn to flirt, to smile at cute men. To not be such a pansy. Well….I failed…and I failed miserably! Emma and I walk into this upscale bar with a live band on last Friday night. There are cute guys everywhere…and I immediately revert to don’t look mode. Emma is slightly better, she actually looked around the room, while I kept my eyes straight ahead. Apparently some the attractive men actually looked my way, but I refused to make eye contact…I once again froze! And I wonder why I haven’t been on a date since December. I think I better add this to my list of things I need to get done before I move…Learn to flirt, or at least make eye contact. 😉

How to Get a Date Worth Keeping

Calling all single ladies, you know who you are. Smart, beautiful, successful women, when was the last time you went on a date. Oh and not just any date, but with a guy you might actually want to see again? I have decided that after 28 years and little to no success in the dating realm that I don’t know what the hell I am doing. Here is some honesty for you. I can’t pick. Every guy I have ever been in a relationship with has pretty much freaked out on me at some point. You see, I pick the ones that are broken, who are not really ready for a relationship. I’m the nice girl who see’s these poor men as just misunderstood, and that if someone would  just listened to them and hear them out, then they would feel loved and all would be right with the world. I believe I have, what you call, a savior complex.

This is part of the rut that I am in. I don’t date the healthy ones, instead I date the ones who need help, because I just love to help people, again, savior complex.

Let’s take a trip down memory lane and see just how dysfunctional I really am. First boyfriend…3 years old, his name Joshua he was 4 and oh how I loved him. Apparently I would come home and talk about this little boy in my preschool class and he would go home and talk all about me. I’ve seen pictures, we were a cute couple. That is by far the most healthy of relationships I have had. Fast forward to Jr High…14 years old, 8th grade. Jared, he and I were best friends and I loved hanging out with him. He liked me, and I liked him, but he didn’t know that I liked him cause I lied to him. He passed me a note in study hall asking if I liked anyone (Remember, this is Jr High, its what we did) and I said no, do you…He said, yes, you. I wrote him back and told him that I only liked him as a friend and crushed his poor little heart. He didn’t talk to me for the rest of the year and the next year changed schools(his family moved he didn’t change because of me). My friend Sarah who also hung out with us had just told me earlier that week that she had a big crush on him. What’s a girl to do? Well, when you are in 8th grade, and slightly scared of boys, you let your friend have him. Always friends first.

High School, little to no dating. This is where Kara the best friend, but never the girlfriend really came into play. I have always been comfortable around men, but I am always the friend, the buddy. What can I say, I have a brother, being around boys is easier than girl sometimes. The ones who liked me I ran away from and put up massive walls, and the ones I liked, just saw me as one of the guys.

College…how do I put this…I was a music major…which means not a lot of straight men. Plenty of gay ones to increase your ego with their many compliments of how beautiful and wonderful you are, but not so great for dating, great for shopping. The stigma of Kara the best friend grew with my gays and my guys with girlfriends. It was always Kara, Trevor (my best friend who had been with his girlfriend since high school, they got married), Drew (again same girlfriend since 9th grade, they too also got married), and Zeke (also girlfriend, also married her) this was life. When I wasn’t with those boys, I was palling around with my neighbors Dillon, Brent, and Jeff. Not only were they my neighbors, but I went to jr high and high school with those boys. We just happened to end up at the same college and live right next to each other. Jeff and I dated briefly, but I again ran away when things began to look more serious. Honestly, I never called him back after he left me a super sweet message, that’s right, I was kind of a bitch. In my defense I blame it on my youth. In other news he and I repaired that and became great friends after the fact. Other than a few dates here and there, college was mostly uneventful with many hours spent practicing my instruments and even more hour composing, fine tuning my craft.

Post-College is where it all gets interesting. I graduate, move back to Oregon for about 6 months and when a room becomes available with one of my friends I move back down to California. Date a short and awkward little man for like a month, epic fail, he was kind of a creep. Then I meet Ryley. I date crashed a double date with two of my friends so that it would no longer be a double date. This date happened to be with Ryley and his roommate Brenden. This began the trio of Ryley, Brenden and Kara. We discovered that we all went to the same church and had all just started to attend. So, we decided to carpool every Sunday to church together and then hang out afterward. I felt right at home with them. I quickly became best buddies with Ryley. After about a year of being friends we started dating and that went on for almost 3 years (on and off). Ryley, was broken, and I wanted to fix him. I figured if I just loved him enough then all would be fine. It never was, and I never was enough for him. Turns out Ryley had severe sex addiction as well as issues with bipolar disorder. He wanted perfection and I could never live up to his standards. Ryley and I were supposed to get married in Oct of 2010. Luckily, after 3 years of trying to help him, I finally realized that I can’t make him better and I finally said goodbye to my first real love. Hardest thing I have ever had to do was walk away from someone who I still love so that we can both be healthy individuals. We broke up in March of 2010.

Flash forward to a August and I meet David, Steve, and Clay. Once again it is Kara and her 3 boys. David, like me, is also a musician.  We met in the band at church. At first, no interest, and then as I get to know him I realize wow, we have a lot of chemistry, the same sense of humor and just a similar outlook on life. Very opposite from my ex. We too become very close friends and eventually that friendship after a few months becomes something more. We started dating in October. That only lasted about two months. Funny thing, he is broken too. He is divorced his wife cheated on him and because of that gaping wound I want to be there for him, and once again I choose a guy who is no where near ready for a serious relationship. Fool me once shame on you fool me twice…shame on me! I can’t pick. I am attracted to the ones that are broken and need a savior. But it never works because I end up doing all the giving and they, all the taking. It’s my own fault and it is time to change and get out of this rut that I have created.

In enters How to Get a Date Worth Keeping. If I am going to get out of this rut, then I have to have a plan of action, and this is where it starts. I know myself well enough to see my patterns of behavior, but I need tips on how to break out of this routine and into something healthy. I have committed to reading this book and putting into practice the things that he recommends. I like being given assignments, as a musician I like being told what and how to practice. I like the structure of that. So why not apply that to my oh so awesome dating life. Come along with me on this adventure and see if this book really works. Let me be the Guinea pig for all of you single ladies who sit at home and wonder where all the good men are. I know I for one wonder the same thing, are there any good ones out there that don’t need me to fix them? I hope so, cause its time to get out of this hole I have dug for myself and into the sunlight where everything is bright. Let the adventures begin!