As I have mentioned before I am not a flirt, if anything I am the opposite, I am a non flirt, a nirt if you will. Yes that’s right, I just made up an awesome new word. I become an incompetent nerd around men who are attractive. Give them a great personality on top of the hotness and I am screwed. I think a part of me thought that moving to another country might take away some of my 13 year old girl insecurity. Because now I am the foreigner…I am interesting if only for the sole reason that I am not from here. I lived in Los Angeles for the past nine years, that has to be interesting right. I have the accent now. Yet, that stupid 13 year old girl inside of me keeps rearing her ugly head. Truth, I am interesting, and not in a bragging because I am great way, but I have had a pretty interesting life. I am musician and I just left everything for adventure. Yet around cute men I become mute. Case in point my latest adventure into the city.
Here I am all excited to go exploring on my own in Sydney, I’m all by myself. I walk to the train station and am immediately overcome with confusion, concerned that I am getting on the wrong train. Right next to me is a very cute Australian boy…let me stress again…VERY CUTE! Here is my opportunity to be not me…after all I am starting over in a new country, be bold Kara, talk to him, ask for help. Do I do that…NOOOOOOO…of course not. That would be to cool. Instead He looks my way and I look down at the ground obviously very preoccupied with whatever is staring back at me. Smooth move Kara. Next instead of asking cute boy for directions, which will in turn lead to a conversation about where I am from, which will then lead to a date and the ultimate end of marital bliss, I call my friend who I am staying with to make sure I am about to board the right train. STUPID STUPID Me! Ahh…good bye Australian husband, we would have had a wonderful life together ;). So here I am in a new Country still being my awkward self and trying to convince myself that I am a beautiful confident women, any man would be lucky to be with me. Yay, same girl, still awkward. If only moving would rid me of my 13 year old self!
Seriously, does anyone even remember life before Facebook?!? Its funny how in order for things to be real, in our real life, we must first make it real in our virtual life. I’ve heard more than once that its not official tell its Facebook official. This concept applies both to big news and to relationships. Oh the impact that Facebook has had on our society. So, I made the official Facebook announcement and let all my “friends” know that I am moving to Australia. There is no more denying it now…this is really happening and to be honest, I am scared. I’m having SO much fun with all my friends this summer that I don’t really want it to end. I bet I’ll say the same thing this time next year as I am wrapping up my year in Australia. I still feel like I am living someone else’s life.
Yesterday was my last 4th of July celebration for two years. I’ll miss next years since I will be living in Australia. As I sat watching the fireworks while patriotic music accompanied the display I got a little sad. It’s hard to comprehend that all that I am used to is about to change. I have gone and watched some sort of fireworks display my whole life, and next year I wont. July 4, will be just that, July 4th, not a holiday, or a day to remember, it will be just a day. There will be no Thanksgiving, Halloween, or Valentines day. They don’t exist over there. I am an American through and through and I am leaving my home for a land that I have never before been to. It’s scary. I have 7 weeks left of work and 10 weeks until I leave. So its starting to sink in…I am excited, but at the same time, I wonder what in hell am I thinking. I new it would hit me eventually. Who knew that 4th of July would make this all seem real.
I can feel the clock ticking away with each passing day, and as the days pass me by my list of things that I must get done before I leave increases. By nature I am incredibly social I will almost always choose to hang out with my friends then get my to-do list done. And I am not organized, so lists and I are not the best of friends. Which brings me to the fact that I need to just stay home everyone once in awhile to get crap done. I have chosen to play, when I needed to be working on getting my life here all wrapped up. For example I need to spend hours recording all my cds to my computer so that I can bring all my music with me. I need to take the time to finally record my own songs that I have written, and get my website up and running. I need to set up Dr. appointments and get my stupid cars license plate switched over…which I have already paid for. All I want to do is spend time with my friends, especially now, but I need to take just a few days during the week to stay home and get crap done. I get depressed when home by myself for the whole day, or I end up writing and not being productive. I really really don’t like this one bit. I wish there were 48 hours in a day! Ok…I guess I better go and make that to-do list.
Life is complex and as I get ready to move my whole life, I am in awe of how God has brought me to this place. I like to view my life as a complex puzzle, that God is working on. He knows what the final picture will look like, but all I see is a jumbled mess. A corner piece here, one with a little sky, and mostly pieces that I have no idea where they go or how they fit in. My life to me looks a lot like the picture above, but every once and awhile I get a glimpse of a finished section. Often it takes years to understand why things are working out the way they are, but it is always exciting when a little piece makes sense. I never imagined in a million years that I would one day be moving half way across the world to Australia, and I have no idea what is going to happen when I get there, or how this all fits into the puzzle, but God does.
It is fun to look back though to when I first met Kylie. We both needed a roommate and were basically set up by a mutual friend. We met for jamba juice, because neither one of us drinks coffee and became instant friends. We lived together for over two and a half years and they day we moved out we cried. I figured we would be roommates until one of us got married, but instead we were roommates until she was offered a job in Athens, Greece. In an instant everything changed and I went on to become somewhat of a vagabond moving from place to place, as my new roommates just kept getting married on me, while I continued to date the wrong guy. Kylie and I kept in touch through skype and her visits back to the US. I missed my roommate. While she is in Athens, through divine intervention she meets Alec an Australian via internet dating. They fell in love, she moved to Australia, and they got married. I don’t think either one of us while we were sitting outside drinking our smoothies ever envisioned that we would one day be living in Sydney. Through this whole experience, God is teaching me just how real Ephesians 3:20-21 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
Well I did it, I said goodbye to my first Student. I have taught him for 4 years. I love that little guy. He started with me at age 6 and is now 10. He had his last lesson yesterday and it was SO sad! I was good and did not cry, but he just kept saying, this is so sad. It is going to be weird to not see him again for over a year. I don’t think it feels real to either one of us. I’m pretty sure I am living in denial. I am having a hard time wrapping my mind around not being able to see my friends, family, and clients for over a year. To not be in the same room with them, to not be able to hug them or just sit next to them and hear about life, it just doesn’t seem real. I know a year will go by fast, but I think I am starting to mourn my life here. Its funny, many people have told me that its just growing pains. And they are right. Whenever we experience growth, it hurts. Growing is never a painless process, the end results are always better, but it hurts along the way. I just have to keep telling myself that, its just growing pains. I’ve done this before, I can do it again, and it will hurt, but it will be worth it in the end.
I leave in less than 100 days…I have a little over two months left of work before my whole world changes. It is starting to feel real. Today I told my first client that I am not returning in the fall. I was planning on letting everyone know at the beginning of July, but since they are taking the summer off I had to move up my timeline up for this one family. The parents took it well and are really excited for me. My kid however, has decided not to believe me and told me that he would see me in the fall. The look on his face was so sad! 😦 He is one of my favorites, I know you are not supposed to have favorites as a teacher, but I totally do. Ugh, my little heart just broke a bit when I told him. And this is just the beginning. I have always hated goodbyes. And so begins the next chapter, the chapter of learning to say goodbye.