I Guess I’m Still Me…

As I have mentioned before I am not a flirt, if anything I am the opposite, I am a non flirt, a nirt if you will. Yes that’s right, I just made up an awesome new word. I become an incompetent nerd around men who are attractive. Give them a great personality on top of the hotness and I am screwed. I think a part of me thought that moving to another country might take away some of my 13 year old girl insecurity. Because now I am the foreigner…I am interesting if only for the sole reason that I am not from here. I lived in Los Angeles for the past nine years, that has to be interesting right. I have the accent now. Yet, that stupid 13 year old girl inside of me keeps rearing her ugly head. Truth, I am interesting, and not in a bragging because I am great way, but I have had a pretty interesting life. I am musician and I just left everything for adventure. Yet around cute men I become mute. Case in point my latest adventure into the city.

Here I am all excited to go exploring on my own in Sydney, I’m all by myself. I walk to the train station and am immediately overcome with confusion, concerned that I am getting on the wrong train. Right next to me is a very cute Australian boy…let me stress again…VERY CUTE! Here is my opportunity to be not me…after all I am starting over in a new country, be bold Kara, talk to him, ask for help. Do I do that…NOOOOOOO…of course not. That would be to cool. Instead He looks my way and I look down at the ground obviously very preoccupied with whatever is staring back at me. Smooth move Kara. Next instead of asking cute boy for directions, which will in turn lead to a conversation about where I am from, which will then lead to a date and the ultimate end of marital bliss, I call my friend who I am staying with to make sure I am about to board the right train. STUPID STUPID Me! Ahh…good bye Australian husband, we would have had a wonderful life together ;). So here I am in a new Country still being my awkward self and trying to convince myself that I am a beautiful confident women, any man would be lucky to be with me. Yay, same girl, still awkward. If only moving would rid me of my 13 year old self!


8 thoughts on “I Guess I’m Still Me…

  1. Hi, I love your post. Isn’t it amazing how we think changing our geography changes who we are? It’s okay though, flirting is for people who can’t hold a real conversation.

  2. … people from Los Angeles don’t have accents …

    • mustlovemusic82 says:

      I agree with you, but apparently here in Australia you do. I have had numerous compliments on my accent. I normally give them a puzzled and confused look 🙂

    • Benjamin says:

      people from anywhere don’t have an accent where they are from. I have an american accent in any other country. and a michigan accent in the south of the US

  3. Jenni says:

    wow, you do seem like a really interesting person! I admire your sense of adventure, I’m looking forward to reading more! =]

  4. Estefanía says:

    i was looking for a picture when i found this blog, probably I was interested because I felt related with the story and, also, I’m full of curiosity and like to understand how people’s mind works.

    The thing is, what you wrote made me wonder: are you in fact the 13year old version of you? Do you want to be it? The reason why I asked this is because that´s the same question I made myself a few years ago. You see, there´s a reality, that is you not being comfortable with yourself at your 28 when it comes to men, specially, men you like. Also, there’s a part of you that is still insecure and scared, which I think is what you called “the 13year old girl”. But, you’re not 13. So this person, “the 13year old girl” is you at 28, you are insecure and scared about yourself and how to relate with the guys you´re interested in. It might sound obvious but.. we forget it, you know? We think that this “part” is… a part, an old part, an old us, that comes every time in a while and never think is us right now. But the truth is, it is us, you´re not 13 but you act the same, this is you at 28, not you at 28 with eventual 13year old episodes, you know what I mean? The difference is that in the first case (you at 28), you accept and conceive yourself as a woman that happens to have problems with flirting with guys. The second case (you at 28 with eventual 13 episodes) separates the CURRENT you of this ASPECT of you, as it was a different person, which make you look at it as if looking into your past, some old version of you, so this 13year old may become… inevitable in a way, you can’t help it

    Although this can be a small difference, it actually happens to have several implications in your life, ´cause it sets your mind; in the first case, if you accept this as a part of your current you, you can think of ways to resolve it. In the second case, you have less power in changing this ‘cause is something that is IN you, a feature and so it´s not changeable (and also it´s something you have to learn how to live with)

    This is the problem with the personality psychology approach based on traits: if we conceive most of the people’s problems as due to personality traits (and so they´re largely unchangeable), most of these problems have no “cure” or solution, and that´s not true. We can change a lot of aspects in ourselves we don´t like, and that´s not going to change our essence, who we are…. We can be ourselves, with new and improve skills that make us feel better, happy. And this is all the point I’m making here, although it may sound crazy, change can become a possibility by only changing our approach to our problems, some of our thoughts or perspectives about them. So I ask again: Do you want to be this 13year old version? Do you want to believe in it, in her, as a disassociated part of you?

    I don’t really know you and I really hope my comment don’t upset you or make you sad in any way. I’m basing my thoughts in what you wrote, my own experience and my knowledge about psychology. I guess I only wanted to share something that helped me and maybe could help you; sometimes we don’t see some things and need others to point them out, you know, others to make us question, reflect, think about our way to see things, that’s all 🙂

    PD: Sorry if there is any mistake in the grammar or anything, English is not my mother language

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