Every Once and Awhile I Revert Back to a 13 Year Old Girl

So here is some embarrassing truth for you all. I am 28 years old and have no freakin idea how to be normal around men who are prospects. This was my self discovery of the weekend. To help understand my lovely little issue lets take a step back in time. I was always a late bloomer growing up. The shortest one in my class as well as the thinnest. I didn’t hit puberty till way after all the rest of the girls. This is paying off now in my late 20s as I am frequently mistaken for a 20 year old. Another side note. When I was 13 I had to get glasses, not only that, but I had already been wearing braces for 3 years. Add in the gangly awkwardness of not quite hitting puberty and you have a highly vivacious 13 year old girl. I purposely do not put up pictures on this site in order to keep me identity a secret. I don’t look like that 13 year old anymore. I grew up. I’m 5’8 blond hair blue eyes and a size 0 to 1. Best part, is that even though I am thin, I have a nice hour glass figure. I have been approached to model on more than one occasion. I make friends at the drop of a hat. I mean I’ve been a bridesmaid 8 times now! 🙂 I’m not socially awkward. I tell you all this so that you’ll understand my messed up psyche. 🙂

In my head I am still this awkward 13 year old. I have this ridiculous fear that if I pay any attention to a guy he will be grossed out and reject me. Just like 13 year old me. Case in point this weekend. If I have NO interest in him. I will be charming, flirtation, and funny. I will be fully myself, cause I could care less if he is interested in me. This is why every guy I have dated and subsequently have not worked out is because I was not interested in them to begin with. They fell for me because I was fully myself, but I really didn’t care about them. All the ex’s have been guys who have gown on me, like a fungus. You should have seen me flirting with the cute bell hop from the hotel event and the random security guard. Why? Cause I could care less. Yes they were cute, but t0o young, and best of all they don’t live anywhere near me and I am leaving. Plus this whole being  a Christian thing seriously limits my dating pool. I knew that nothing would come of it and therefore I was myself.

Funny thing is, you put me in the exact same situation with a cute guy my age, someone who has the same morals and values as myself and I become a mute awkward 13 year old. With an intense fear that I will gross them out if I even look in their direction. I have to learn how to beat this horrible habit I have of looking at the ground for fear of accidentally making eye contact which will in turn make them run for the hills from my ugly face. Again, I know this is all in my head, but man, its hard work to fight what you feel to be true. I am envious of the girls who are able to always be themselves around everyone. So am I the only one that this happens to? Anyone know how to beat the case of the awkward 13 year old girl?


7 thoughts on “Every Once and Awhile I Revert Back to a 13 Year Old Girl

  1. Elias Cresh says:

    As awkward as you think you are/were at 13, I assure almost every single 13 year old boy was even more so. As Eddie Izzard said, “Then you look in the mirror and you think ‘Well I’m sure not gonna fuck me.'” Feeling giddy and being stupid around cute people is one of the joys of life. Embrace it! Woot!

  2. Amy says:

    This might be one of the best posts I’ve read in a long time. I’m a 12 year old girl trapped in a 39 year old body. Best thing I’ve done for me? Treat everyone with that I don’t care attitude… so that I can be flirty and me ALL the time. It all filters down to MY opinion taking precedence over anyone elses.

    It takes practice and hell yes I fail. But maybe by the time I’m 49 I’ll get this thing. You are a rock star.

  3. […] am screwed. I think a part of me thought that moving to another country might take away some of my 13 year old girl insecurity. Because now I am the foreigner…I am interesting if only for the sole reason that I am not […]

  4. Benjamin says:

    Just speaking from a guy’s perspective. You’ve been approached to be a model, this means your good looking, which is what guys are initially attracted to. What guys stick around for is not sex, we can get that almost anywhere thanks to a particularly misguided version of feminism, and the guys who you don’t want to be around will leave when they realize that their not getting that from you. We, the kind guys whom you are looking for, will stick around for how much we enjoy your company and your friendship. You seem honest and cute and like a great person, that’s what the kind of guy who’s worth it is looking for. And believe me, people like you are a rarity in this world. I was lucky that i worked as a tutor with a girl like you in college and got her to open up. You are beautiful, I can assume this due to the modeling issue, and you are genuine

  5. Haven’t you heard of the law of attraction? I am 22 years old Man.A prosperous man some might say. I started as boy in poverty. Let me explain it better.

    When I was a boy I had to live with my mother,who was addicted to gambling. She didn’t even had what to gamble, but she did anyway. I mean the money that are supposed to be for food,for me to go to school (we lived in a village 10km/s away from my school,so I needed money for bus ticket and a lot of times this was ignored) for bills… sometimes she didn’t even pay the electricity bills,the house rent …. We used to live with my grandmother – she was an alcoholic. Almost every night I used to watch them fight ’till someone was bleeding. It started when I was 9 years old and continued until I was 14 years old. Three years later I became an orphan. But I had the strength to get over it and made my mind. I discovered the law of attraction. Now, I have my own business, my own apartment, a brighter future and people that will never let me down.

    I made all this just by holding the image in my mind of what I want and act about it, even if most people told me “it is crazy” “you would be an idiot if you do this” and sh*ts like that

    So if you’re telling me that you can not overcome “I am 28 years old and have no freakin idea how to be normal around men who are prospects.” and still keeping the inferiority complexes… Well you better start thinking of what you can do about it! Life is short! And when the judgement day comes, you will be the very called judge. And it would be like “Why didn’t I do this? It looks so easy. I just had to….. “

  6. p.s Sorry for the bad English

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