I can feel the clock ticking away with each passing day, and as the days pass me by my list of things that I must get done before I leave increases. By nature I am incredibly social I will almost always choose to hang out with my friends then get my to-do list done. And I am not organized, so lists and I are not the best of friends. Which brings me to the fact that I need to just stay home everyone once in awhile to get crap done. I have chosen to play, when I needed to be working on getting my life here all wrapped up. For example I need to spend hours recording all my cds to my computer so that I can bring all my music with me. I need to take the time to finally record my own songs that I have written, and get my website up and running. I need to set up Dr. appointments and get my stupid cars license plate switched over…which I have already paid for. All I want to do is spend time with my friends, especially now, but I need to take just a few days during the week to stay home and get crap done. I get depressed when home by myself for the whole day, or I end up writing and not being productive. I really really don’t like this one bit. I wish there were 48 hours in a day! Ok…I guess I better go and make that to-do list.
This past weekend I worked a wedding up in Santa Barbra and as I watched this young couple so in love, it got me thinking. I don’t remember the last time that I felt like that. Honestly, though I have had some pretty long term relationships, I don’t really know what it is like to have a healthy love. As I watched them beam in the hope of their new marriage, it made me thankful I did not marry any of my exes. I am still waiting for my movie moment. For that amazing man to come in and sweep me off my feet and love me for me, flaws and all. I have yet to be in that kind of relationship. You see, I attract the men who want perfection, and the minute I fail, so the does the relationship. Hopefully I have learned my lesson and won’t make the same mistake yet again. I love hearing about my friends “movie moments” with the men who captured their hearts. Someday I’ll get to write about mine, here’s to it being with a cute Australian man. 😉
Starting in July I am losing about half of my clients, which is pretty much equal to half of my income…poof…gone. I’ve decided to focus this month on being thrifty and creative. It is next to impossible to find a job for all of three minutes, so instead lets see how little I can spend when making next to nothing. First order of business…find a way to maintain my love of beauty supplies without breaking the bank. I have been wanting to buy a bottle of sea salt spray for months now, well now that the money is gone, its not gonna happen. So I decided to make it with a friend of mine Sunday night. I used it today, and it turned out pretty good. There is still a little bit of tweaking that needs to be done. but I am pretty impressed with it. Here is the recipe:
Rinse out a used spray bottle, or purchase one from the drugstore; you’ll find them near the sample-sized products. Fill it with 8 oz. of clean water. “Glamour” magazine notes that purified or distilled water is best and will not leave mineral deposits on your hair. Double the amount of water if you have hair that is longer than your shoulders.
Place 1 tsp. sea salt, found in your grocery store baking aisle, in the bottle for every 8 oz. water you used. Shake well to distribute the salt throughout the bottle and to dissolve it. Finely ground sea salt with dissolve faster.
Add 1/2 tsp. conditioner into the bottle. Salt may dry your hair or make it feel coarse. The conditioner will help counteract the drying and keep your hair flexible and soft. Use a coconut-scented conditioner for a beachy-smelling hairspray that smells like the sun, sand and sunscreen.
Squeeze in a small dollop of hair gel, around 1/2 teaspoon, to help enhance the salt’s holding ability for a longer-lasting hairstyle. Put the top back on the spray bottle, and shake well to combine/ Remember that the ingredients will never fully combine, and you will need to shake it again before each use.
Use the spray on damp hair that you intend to air dry. Shake the bottle and spray all over, scrunching and twisting as you go to create a natural but sexy wavy look.
Life is complex and as I get ready to move my whole life, I am in awe of how God has brought me to this place. I like to view my life as a complex puzzle, that God is working on. He knows what the final picture will look like, but all I see is a jumbled mess. A corner piece here, one with a little sky, and mostly pieces that I have no idea where they go or how they fit in. My life to me looks a lot like the picture above, but every once and awhile I get a glimpse of a finished section. Often it takes years to understand why things are working out the way they are, but it is always exciting when a little piece makes sense. I never imagined in a million years that I would one day be moving half way across the world to Australia, and I have no idea what is going to happen when I get there, or how this all fits into the puzzle, but God does.
It is fun to look back though to when I first met Kylie. We both needed a roommate and were basically set up by a mutual friend. We met for jamba juice, because neither one of us drinks coffee and became instant friends. We lived together for over two and a half years and they day we moved out we cried. I figured we would be roommates until one of us got married, but instead we were roommates until she was offered a job in Athens, Greece. In an instant everything changed and I went on to become somewhat of a vagabond moving from place to place, as my new roommates just kept getting married on me, while I continued to date the wrong guy. Kylie and I kept in touch through skype and her visits back to the US. I missed my roommate. While she is in Athens, through divine intervention she meets Alec an Australian via internet dating. They fell in love, she moved to Australia, and they got married. I don’t think either one of us while we were sitting outside drinking our smoothies ever envisioned that we would one day be living in Sydney. Through this whole experience, God is teaching me just how real Ephesians 3:20-21 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
Well I did it, I said goodbye to my first Student. I have taught him for 4 years. I love that little guy. He started with me at age 6 and is now 10. He had his last lesson yesterday and it was SO sad! I was good and did not cry, but he just kept saying, this is so sad. It is going to be weird to not see him again for over a year. I don’t think it feels real to either one of us. I’m pretty sure I am living in denial. I am having a hard time wrapping my mind around not being able to see my friends, family, and clients for over a year. To not be in the same room with them, to not be able to hug them or just sit next to them and hear about life, it just doesn’t seem real. I know a year will go by fast, but I think I am starting to mourn my life here. Its funny, many people have told me that its just growing pains. And they are right. Whenever we experience growth, it hurts. Growing is never a painless process, the end results are always better, but it hurts along the way. I just have to keep telling myself that, its just growing pains. I’ve done this before, I can do it again, and it will hurt, but it will be worth it in the end.
So I kind of have a moral dilemma. Many of my clients are taking off for the month of July, which in turn puts me in a little bit of a bind. Well, two types of binds to be exact. The first being that of the financial kind. Basically I need a job for at the most two months, because I leave in September. What kind of job can I get for only 8 weeks? Pretty much by the time I get comfortable I will have to give them my two weeks notice. I don’t want to go and interview for a position that I know I will be leaving shortly there is n point in wasting my time and theirs. Moral dilemma number 1…do I apply for a job and just not tell them that I am leaving in 8 weeks?
Number two is also a fun one as well. The clients who are taking off for the month of July, but returning in August, do I tell them now that I will be done teaching come September, or do I hold off and tell them in August? I don’t want them to not return for August as well, since the likely hood of me being able to get another part time job for 8 weeks is highly doubtful and I need the money for thing like food and rent. So what do I do?!?!
Sometimes I hate being a grownup and with that my mom could just tell me what to do like when I was 5. 😦
We all had one growing up, that special blanket or stuffed animal that for one reason or another would mean safety. I remember being a small child and crying because something upset me, and what would make me feel better…my green and white ducky blanket. It made me feel safe and protected. When my toddlers get upset they ask for their mommy or their blankie. They use it to hide, and they use it for comfort. With that said, I been traveling A LOT these past few months and I love to people watch.
So there I was waiting for my ride to come and pick me up from the airport, I decided to watch everyone around me, and what did I see. EVERYONE on their cell phone! I am just as guilty as the next person in doing this as well, I just decided to look up for a change that day. No one is talking on their phone, but they are all “staying busy” staring at their smart phone screen. It is the adult version of a security blanket. You feel uncomfortable because you are around a bunch of people you don’t know…pull out the cell phone. You want to look busy so that the weird guy who has been watching you doesn’t come over and talk to you…pull out the cell phone. And last but certainly not least everyone seems to know each other and you’re the new kid…you don’t want to look like you don’t have any friends…so…pull out the cell phone!
I’m not making any sort of judgment call here, I just find it interesting that you go from blankie to phone these days. How did one avoid possibly uncomfortable situations before the magical invention of the cell phone. I have used my cell as a security blanket more time than I can count…and it makes me wonder, what have I missed in the process of trying to “look busy”? Maybe an awesome new friend or better yet a really uncomfortable situation that would make for a great blog post ;). I think its time that I lose my blankie, I am 28 after all. 🙂
Like the wings stolen from an angel
Like petals gone from a rose
Like a dove caught in a storm
Tonight he’s in the Lord’s Arms
The wind it blew straight through us
And whispered to me in tongues
I was told I was wrong
Tonight he would be in the Lord’s Arms
Tonight he is in the Lord’s Arms
So I drinked this wine to him
With each glass of memory
He left with his crown of thornes
Tonight he’s in the Lord’s Arms
Tonight he’s in the Lord’s Arms
Tonight he’s in the Lord’s Arms
Something I will never get used to is broken relationships. I hate it! I hate the fact that there are people who I once cared greatly for, and now don’t talk to. I’m talking about ex boyfriends. There is a reason why I dated each and everyone of them, and though I am SO happy that things did not work out. I miss them. I miss their friendship. I think about them all from time to time and wonder how they are and what they are doing, and I HATE the fact that I can’t just call them up to say hi. No matter how bad or great the relationship ended, I will always carry a piece of that person in my heart. I know that all this nostalgia is happening because I am leaving, but I wish I could call each and everyone of them up and tell them goodbye. I long for heaven where we can finally all be friends again, and where the things that once were broken will be made new and the pain and suffering will no longer exist. I hate that I still care. And from what I have heard from all my married friends, it doesn’t go away once you are married either. You will always care. Ugh!
I leave in less than 100 days…I have a little over two months left of work before my whole world changes. It is starting to feel real. Today I told my first client that I am not returning in the fall. I was planning on letting everyone know at the beginning of July, but since they are taking the summer off I had to move up my timeline up for this one family. The parents took it well and are really excited for me. My kid however, has decided not to believe me and told me that he would see me in the fall. The look on his face was so sad! 😦 He is one of my favorites, I know you are not supposed to have favorites as a teacher, but I totally do. Ugh, my little heart just broke a bit when I told him. And this is just the beginning. I have always hated goodbyes. And so begins the next chapter, the chapter of learning to say goodbye.