Facing Fears


So here I am in Colorado. Having a great time with wonderful friends. And tonight I’m going go try and conquer one of my fears. I write music. I have written for almost 10 years, but I never play it for anyone. I’m scared of the possible rejection. So tonight I play. I’m going to an open mic night in Denver to get my feet wet. This is one of my resolutions for 2011: get over my fear and play my music. So here goes…I hope I don’t throw up before I go on stage. 😉

Also…I wrote this post from my phone. Regular posts will continue when I get back.

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For The Love Of Grandparents


This last weekend I drove many miles out to the desert to visit my grandparents. They come down every March and stay for a month. I am so thankful that I have really gotten the opportunity to get to know them. They are amazing people with wonderful stories that they have lived. I have learned so much about them in the past few years. My grandfather only has an eight grade education, yet he is one of the brightest men I know. My grandma has a quite and timid spirit, always ready with a smile and a hug. I love watching them interact. They still hold hands, and my grandpa opens doors for her and takes care of her. It is refreshing to see a marriage where after 60 years they are still in love. Not many people really get to know their grandparents as adults, I for one am so thankful that I have!

Music Mondays: Kina Grannis


My Friend Rachel posted this video on her facebook. I LOVE IT! Yay for finding new Artists! Her name is Kina Grannis and her new album drops April 5. I highly recommend it.

Love, it's a special day
We should celebrate and appreciate
That you and me found something pretty neat
And I know some say this day is arbitrary

But it's a good excuse, put our love to use
Baby, I know what to do
Baby, I...
I will love you
I'll love you, I'll love you

Love, I don't need those things
I don't need no ring
I don't need anything
But you with me
'Cause in your company
I feel happy, oh so happy and complete

And it's a good excuse, put our love to use
Baby, I know what to do
Baby, I...
I will love you
I'll love you, I'll love you

Yeah, it's a good excuse, put our love to use
Baby, I know what to do
Baby, I...
I will love you
I'll love you, I'll love you

So won't you be my honey bee?
Giving me kisses all the time
Be mine, be my Valentine

So won't you be my honey bee?
Giving sweet kisses all the time
Be mine, be my Valentine

Oh, be my Valentine

The Joys of Skype


I LOVE Skype! My best friend Marie lives in Seattle, I normally see her about two times a year, three if I am lucky. I have known her since I was 7 years old. We will be best friends until the day we die, we already have plans to be roommates in the old folks home. We started using Skype this past Christmas and it really is the best thing ever. I now get to “see” her at least once a week if not more. I would rather have her here, but it is the next best thing. Skype is going to make my transition into a whole new country so much easier. I know the time change will be different, but at least I will still get to see and talk to my friends and family. I might actually get to “see” them more when I am gone, thanks to Skype! So to whoever created this wonderful platform, I say thank you! Thank you for making the world seem so much smaller and for giving this girl a little help with learning to fly.

That Anne Girl


I LOVE the Anne of Green Gables movies. I have watched them more times than I can even remember and I have many of the lines memorized from so many viewings. As a little girl I loved everything about Anne from her precocious spirit, to her over active imagination. There is something about this character that at the age of 6 I related to. Fast forward some 20 plus years and not much has changed, the only difference is that I understand this character so much deeper than I ever did as a child. One of my favorite quote from Anne is…”Why do people have to grow up and marry, change?” That has been my life motto since i graduated from college. I understand her, for I am her. I like change, but not when it comes to my relationships.

Unfortunately people do grow up, marry, and change. All my friends who have gotten married, now have a baby and many are planning on getting pregnant with number two in just a few short months. I miss the days when we were all single and living on campus. I miss midnight study sessions and late night doughnut runs. Most of all I miss when we all had time for each other. Life gets busy awfully fast and soon all your time is taken up. Someday I will might be where they are married, with a baby, but for now it is just me. So in this time by myself I reflect on what was and can’t help but quoting Anne…”Why do people have to grow up and marry, change?”

Fearless


Reality has begun to set in that I am in fact leaving this place I have called home for the last 9 years and moving onto a new adventure, a new place, a new life. I haven’t bought my plane ticket quite yet, but I do have to move out of my apartment in two months. And as of right now, I am going to be renting a room from a friends parents for 3 months before I take a big leap of faith and move half way across the world to Sydney. Sometimes I wonder if I am crazy. I will be leaving so much of what I love most in the world, yet at the same time I feel my heart growing farther and farther away from this life I have built. I wrote a post in January about wanting a change, who knew this change would be so big! I have started telling a few people about the possibility of me moving to Australia, but not that it is in fact going to happen. I will once I have purchased the ticket, but my heart is made up and the doors are opening there and closing here.

I’m currently reading a book in my bible study called  Fearless by Max Lucado, in the first chapter you are asked to imagine a day without fear. What would it look like? How would you be different? This book so far fits in quite perfectly with where my life is right now. The only reason I would stay, is because I am to afraid to go. The only reason I don’t play the songs I write for people is because I am afraid. The only reason I do most things is because I am afraid. Funny thing is not only am I afraid of failing, but I am also afraid of succeeding. If I fail, its an embarrassment, if I succeed, my whole life will change, and sometimes I just want things to stay the same. 2011 has been a horrid year, but I can say with confidence that I am learning to not let fear have so much control. I am taking bigger risks and I finally feel like I am learning to live, and not just be a spectator. If I am to live my life for one, fear tells me that, that is a lie and my life must be lived for all those watching as well. What a waste of time and energy. My parents are not on board with my decision, they are not excited, in fact my mom told me that I was just running away. I fear disappointing my parents, I have my whole life, but what is worse…disappointing them, or disappointing God?

For those who read this…thanks for coming with me on my journey. Feel free to comment…I LOVE it when you do! 🙂