Betrayal…its an ugly word, its a word that I have not felt the sting of since high school. I forgot how much it hurts to let someone in, and trust them with your secrets, only to have them completely betray you. Betrayal is a selfish act, because in that moment, the only thing you are thinking about is how this situation, or those feelings, affect you. I am finding that betrayal from a friend, is almost worse than betrayal from a boyfriend. I have always really trusted my friends. Maybe foolishly, but I have trusted them none the less. I tell them all my secrets, opening up my heart with full trust and abandon, because why wouldn’t my friends be looking out for me? I have had a few days to process the way in which Amanda took no regard for my feelings or even considered them, when taking her next step. I have never betrayed a friend, because betrayal to me is one of the worst things you can do to a person. I am loyal to a fault, I will stand by and defend my friends to the bitter end. I don’t give up without a fight, because that is how important friendship is to me. I feel foolish for ever trusting her, for opening up with her, and worst of all, for purposely going out of my way to do something nice for her. The hurt is gone and all that remains now is anger and confusion. I wish I could get some kind of closure, some sort of answers, for why she never considered my feelings. I guess I just have to let it go.
I am doing a one year Bible reading plan. Today my reading was about when Jesus was betrayed by Judas. It reminded me that I am not the only one who has experienced the betrayal of a loved friend. And also, that it is OK for me to walk away. It has also shown me what AMAZING friends I do have. Friends who have stood by me and supported me through all the trails and successes in my life. To you I say thank you! I could not have asked for better friends. Thank you for standing up to me when I am wrong, supporting me when I am right and listening to me when I am not sure which way is up. One friend may have betrayed me, but I have more than I could ever want in friends that love and care about me. You all are amazing and I wish I could tell you how thankful I am for each and everyone of you. You all make my life better! 🙂