Happy Black Monday to you all! I for one have never been a fan of valentines day. I think it is a lame holiday. Even when I have a boyfriend on this day, I still find it lame. I have not had a good valentines day since I was in elementary school. Ugh! To make matters worse, I had one of the worst weekends ever. I got bad news, and was betrayed by one of my closest friends. I found out that the guy that I had been seeing, who pretty much dropped me because we got in a fight, is now seeing one of closest friends. She told me this on Saturday night. I confided in her the whole time I was seeing him. And now she is dating him. It hurts…a lot…because you don’t date your friends ex’s. And the worst part is that they were part of my group. I feel like I not only lost a friend, but a social group as well. And once again I have to start over. I have started over many times in my 28 years on this planet. Most since the age of 19. I started over when I started college, and then again a year later when I transferred schools. I Graduated, and my whole world either moved away, or got married. So once again I had to start over. Things were great for a few years and then everything changed again. More starting over. My boyfriend and I break up after nearly 4 years together, and I change roommates…again…cause all the rest keep getting married on me. I was finally happy after so much change and so much heart break. And now here I am again…starting over…but starting over feels different this time. I feel like I need to be making some big changes in my life so that I don’t have to start completely over every few years.
I need to take responsibility and learn from my mistakes. This current situation is showing me 1) That I trust people too easily. I thought Amanda was my friend, and instead she went behind my back. And the best part, she thought we could still be friends after all this. HA! 2) I need to listen to my intuition. Its always right. I had a sinking suspicion that this would happen. And it did. I need to listen to my gut, for it has never failed me. Because of this new development and mass betrayal. I have come to some conclusions. I know I have joked about moving to Australia, but I have made a deal with God. He has from now until June to give me a reason to stay here, or I move to Australia. I’m serious about this. In order to keep me here in the states I either need a job that I love, a man that I love, or a church that I am heavily involved with and can’t imagine leaving, or I go.
I’m torn, because part of me doesn’t want to leave here. I love where I live, but the other side of me longs for a grand adventure. I have 4 months…let the countdown begin!