Music Monday’s – JJ Heller


I have unanswered prayers
I have trouble I wish wasn’t there
And I have asked a thousand ways
That You would take my pain away
You would take my pain away

I am trying to understand
How to walk this weary land
Make straight the paths that crookedly lie
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands

When You walked upon the Earth
You healed the broken, lost, and hurt
I know You hate to see me cry
One day You will set all things right
Yea, one day You will set all things right

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands

Your hands
Your hands that shape the world
Are holding me, they hold me still
Your hands that shape the world
Are holding me, they hold me still

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave You when…

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave…
I never leave Your hands

Payback’s a Bitch Just Like You!


I write songs. Music and lyrics. Most of the time they never see the light of day. Occasionally they do get played for different things. Sometimes I just write to get my feelings out. It is very therapeutic for me. I am still very hurt over my friend betraying me. I wish I didn’t care, but I do and what hurts the most is that she does not even think that what she did is wrong. I never really told her how I felt, I didn’t want her to feel bad. Stupid, I know. Why care about someones feelings when they don’t care about yours. Unfortunately, that is who I am and try as I might I have been unsuccessful at changing that. So instead I am in the process of writing a little song that reflects my feelings. I really hope someday that she hears this and cries…ok, maybe not…yay, I do. 😉

Mean What You Say and Say What You Mean


As a young child when people tell you something you most likely will believe them. I work with kids and adults. My kids rang in age from as young as 2 all the way through high school. I learn a lot from watching my little ones. The really young ones I teach in a group setting. The older ones tend to be one on one. I can’t tell you when exactly, but somewhere between 1st and 2nd grade is when children stop trusting and believing so easily.

If I tell my 3-4 year old girls that they look pretty, they almost always reply with a big smile and thank you, some even say…”I know”. They don’t doubt that what I am telling them I mean. There is no flicker of…”she is just saying this to be nice”, or “She is saying this so that we will be well behaved and listen”. They take my words at face value, as they should, because I woudn’t tell them that if I didn’t mean it. I have no ulterior motives, I mean what I say and say what I mean.

I try and live my life by that mantra. There are enough lies in this world and I don’t want to add to the pollution that already exists. I stupidly believed that most people are like me. Why would you compliment somebody, lie about how you feel, or make plans, if you don’t mean it. I get the whole white lie thing, but I am not talking about white lies. Instead, I am talking about the kind of lies that crush and devastate you. The funny thing about the truth is that it always comes out. So why try and hide it?

I am learning the hard way that most people constantly lie. “Good” people lie, the ones that seem so pure lie, and I am frustrated by this fact. Not only am I dealing with this problem, but many of my close friends are too. It’s heart breaking to believe a lie, it not only makes you question yourself, but also humanity. So learn to hold your damn tongue. Don’t say things you don’t mean. Don’t make promises you can’t keep. Mean what you say and say what you mean. Life would be a lot less painful if we could all just learn that lesson and stick to it.

Boys are Stupid Throw Rocks at Them


I have been a girl who has always loved men. I am independent, but I am not a feminist. However, as of late, I hate men! So here comes a nice little rant.

I’m sick and tired of boys clubs and of the men who partake. I am fed up with being one of the few females in a mostly male profession. I’m sorry if the fact that I am a better musician and know more than you makes you feel threatened. Guess what, eye contact is not a sin, and you wont die if you look at me.

Musician men are irritating. Not only are they feminine, but they are arrogant. They feel that all women want them. Guess what loser, I don’t! You are dorks who’s pants are tighter than mine. I don’t want you! Therefore, having a conversation with me is not going to make me fall in love with you. It’s just a conversation. Oh and here is a novel idea…I’m not an idiot! I know just as much as you, if not more. Please don’t treat me like an incompetent fool who is incapable of excelling. Just because I am blond, does not mean that I am stupid. If I have known you for more than two years, would it really hurt to acknowledge my presence? Again, I realize that I am a woman, and I don’t have a penis, but I am just as capable as you. I have been playing keys for 18 years. I KNOW WHAT I AM DOING! I am sick and tired of feeling like an outsider because I am not a boy. I am done with trying to fit into your damn world!

So here is how it is going to be…I’m taking you down a peg. No longer will I laugh at your idiotic jokes, or listen to your stupid suggestions and implement them even though I know that it can be done more efficiently and easier another way. I will no longer be an outsider looking in, while you think you are better than me. The boys club is coming to an end. No more miss nice girl. It’s time to bring out the big guns! I hope you enjoy your egotistical ways for soon I will make you cry using only my words…who’s the big man now?

Beautiful Things


I am at a conference all this week. Gungor played today and then talked in one of the session about how they wrote this song. I have been having a rough year and to hear Lisa Gungor tell how this song came out of rough circumstances and pain really spoke to me. God uses it all, and nothing is ever wasted even the most shitty of circumstances can be transformed into beautiful things

All this pain
I wonder if I’ll ever find my way
I wonder if my life could really change at all
All this earth
Could all that is lost ever be found
Could a garden come up from this ground at all

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

All around
Hope is springing up from this old ground
Out of chaos life is being found in You

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

You make me new, You are making me new
You make me new, You are making me new

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

What a Single Girl See’s


As a single girl, I like to observe. I observe child raising techniques, happy/bad marriage techniques, and dating techniques, just to name a few. As I have mentioned before, the majority of my world is married with babies. I have a few divorced friends, but most are married or seriously dating. I at the moment am completely unattached, with no prospect. I don’t even have a crush on anyone. It’s kind of boring, but when I am not distracted by a relationship, it gives me the opportunity to fully engaged in what is going on around me. It makes my heart sad to watch as couples constantly miss each other. As lack of communication over months or years, turns into resentment for the one that they love. I am currently watching my parents 40 year marriage fall apart. They have spent the last 40 years not communicating. When something bothers them, they don’t tell the other person, each is always right and the other is always wrong. I observe and watch so that hopefully I will not make the same mistake as those around me. I don’t have to touch the stove to know its hot. I can see that it is hot by the red mark that it produces. Watching my friends and family struggle in their marriages makes me sad, and also makes me realize what a selfish world we really live in. How many people stay married anymore? How many marriages actually survive, and not just survive, but thrive?

Today I am thankful that I don’t have to deal with a mess, with hurt feelings, with miss reading each other. Today I am thankful that I am single!